(During this time of self-quarantine, I have been sending weekly emails to my patients as both an encouragement to them and a way for me to gather some thoughts as we go through this together. Here is a window into that correspondence. )

Hi all, (first sent March 22, 2020)

First of all: well done on surviving Week One of the Home "@#$*": Extreme Edition. One small comfort is that we are all in this together-- even at 6 feet + cyberspace wavelengths apart. No one in the world, unless you live under a rock (and none of you have given me such an address, eg 376 Under A Rock, Unit #2), is exempt from this particular experience of suffering. As always-- and boy/girl do I wish it was different--, we don't get to choose our suffering, but we do get to choose how we suffer and what to make of it. I am here to help facilitate that process with you during these times. In this, I have great hope. 

As we go into Week Two, I just wanted to name a few things that are completely normal to be experiencing as this Home "@#$* keeps going. The first thing is that THIS, the following, still applies:

STRESS and ANXIETY management:

Some helpful hints for managing stress and anxiety during this time

·      Sadness, stress, confusion, irritability, fear, and anger are all totally normal

o   I’m here to walk through this with you. But also, talking to other people you trust, like family and friends, is super helpful. We are all in this together. 

o   Breathe

·      Be extra gentle and kind towards yourself and others: we are all a little on edge. We need lots of grace and mercy.

o   Breathe

·      Limit TV, listening to media, and social media

o   Agitation can increase our body’s stress (and paranoia) responses, and shut down our reasonable problem-solving mind

o   Turn off phone notifications, if necessary: we already know what we need to do—wash hands, social distancing, cover mouth, stay home if feeling under the weather… one more news story is not going to change the practical requirements of the moment.

o  Focus on one trusted news source for the day-- that's all that's needed

o   Breathe

·      Maintain a healthy lifestyle: diet, sleep, exercise, yoga, meditation, therapy

o   Drugs, alcohol, and smoking as habit to cope is harmful both physically and mentally

o   Breathe

·      “To thine own self be true”

o   What helps you manage stress? Listening to music? Podcasts? Knitting? Coloring? Drawing? Meditation? Taking a walk? Journaling? Reading? Whatever it is, do it. Even if it is "just" 20-30min/day

o   Could it be breathing?? 

Indeed, as this continues, we must set an intention to keep getting back on the wagon when we inevitably fall off it. Over the long haul, doing the things that work for us will make a huge difference even if we do not feel the immediate benefits right then and there at the moment we are practicing. 

The second thing is to name that all of this is exhausting. This is partly due to our bodies being under prolonged stress due to the heightened uncertainty. So please rest when you can. If you have kids, you could put on an audio book for them for a mandatory "rest" time (say 45min), while you nap. Or listen with them. (I think switching up sensory experiences, say from screen time to audio, is super helpful... but whatever works for you is what is best.)

I do want to emphasize how completely normal it is to go through unforeseen waves of exhaustion. We're all feeling the effects of having to all of a sudden drastically shift our way of doing life. To my mind, it seems akin to being in another culture: we must adapt to different forms of relating, communicating and general ways of being. Though at first in a cross-cultural experience, it can feel both exhilarating and kinda anxiety-provoking, exhaustion is definitely part of the experience. The curveball for us is that it is happening here in our backyard, but it's essentially the same thing. Again, naps are completely appropriate. 

I look forward to hearing how all this is going for you individually (or as a couple) this week. As with last week, we will continue to connect via Zoom or phone-- whatever you prefer. If it's Zoom, we will use the same Zoom id as last week. The next email you get from me will include that id, so you don't have to go fishing for it. 

Until then: keep washing those hands, social-distancing, and take some naps: will you? 

Deborah